How Adults Reclaim Joy Through Play
As children, we didn’t have to think about joy — we just played. We followed our curiosity, did what felt good, and let our internal motivations guide us. Whether it was building forts, pretending to be a doctor, or collecting rocks, we engaged in activities not for praise or reward, but because they were deeply satisfying in and of themselves. Those spontaneous, internally motivated activities gave us joy.
As we grow older, though, our inner guidance is often overruled. External motivators —such as grades, performance objectives, and cultural norms —emerge from school, work, and the general responsibilities of adult life. These external pressures shape much of our behavior, and while they may drive achievement, they rarely generate the kind of joy and deep satisfaction that come from doing things simply for the enjoyment they provide.
Over time, many adults lose touch with the kinds of activities that bring them to life — the ones they would choose over and over, because they feel good. And with that, joy often recedes into the background.
But here’s the good news: your joy is not gone. It’s just waiting for an invitation to return — and play is that invitation.
Play that is freely chosen and internally motivated activates key areas of the brain associated with pleasure, learning, and emotional regulation (Panksepp, 2005; Burghardt, 2011). It reduces stress, enhances well-being, and reconnects us with the experience of being fully alive in the present moment (Brown & Vaughan, 2009). Research also shows that intrinsically motivated play contributes to long-term psychological resilience and life satisfaction (Ryan & Deci, 2000; Vansteenkiste et al., 2010).
Play doesn’t need to be childish or silly — it just needs to feel internally rewarding. For one person, that might be sketching at the kitchen table. For another, it might be gardening, mountain biking, or losing yourself in a favorite song. These are not distractions from real life — they are what make life feel real.
How you can rediscover your path to joy.
Start by exploring your play nature — the activities that resonate most with you. To begin, ask yourself:
- What activities cause you to lose track of time?
- What hobbies or interests have you dropped that once made you feel good?
- What would you do if no one could see or judge you?
- Are there moments in your week that already feel like play?
- What’s one activity you’ve always had the urge to try?
These aren’t just questions — they’re trail markers leading you back to your joy. Follow the ones that stir something inside you. Let your answers guide small experiments in your daily life, and you’ll begin to notice something important: that joy is still there. It’s been waiting for you to identify and act on what truly moves you.
Our guide, What is Your Play Nature?, can also help you reconnect with the types of experiences that once sparked joy and can do so again.
As we celebrate the first anniversary of The Play Times, this is our invitation: pause, reflect, and reclaim. What did you once love doing just for the joy of it? What makes you feel most alive?
Give yourself permission to begin again. The joy you remember isn’t a thing of the past — it’s a signal of what still lives inside you.
References
- Brown, S., & Vaughan, C. (2009). Play: How it Shapes the Brain, Opens the Imagination, and Invigorates the Soul. Avery.
- Burghardt, G. M. (2011). Defining and recognizing play. In A. D. Pellegrini (Ed.), The Oxford Handbook of the Development of Play. Oxford University Press.
- Panksepp, J. (2010). Affective neuroscience of the emotional BrainMind: Evolutionary perspectives and implications for understanding depression. Dialogues in Clinical Neuroscience, 12(4), 533-545.
- Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2000). Intrinsic and extrinsic motivations: Classic definitions and new directions. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 25(1), 54–67.
- Vansteenkiste, M., Niemiec, C. P., & Soenens, B. (2010). The development of the five mini-theories of self-determination theory: An historical overview, emerging trends, and future directions. In T. Urdan & S. Karabenick (Eds.), The decade ahead: Theoretical perspectives on motivation and achievement, 16, 105-165.
